When I do not keep my awareness in the front of my consciousness, being present in the moment, I find myself slipping down a very steep path into self pity and fear. In so many areas of my life I did not get what I wanted…and instead, I am left with what I have.

So how do I view this new year of 2012 that I am facing? Have the experiences in my past prepared me to make some special contributions to the world around me? Can I focus on this as a gateway to transformation in my life and in those who I am lucky enough to touch?

I am making the decision to embrace this next period of my life and view it as a huge opportunity to grasp the beauty in the world around me which includes appreciation of myself.

I encourage all of us to preserve our physical and mental health so we can vigorously live out the adventure of new challenges yet to reveal themselves. Let’s take this journey together and commit ourselves to live with gratitude and passion.

I send you all many hugs and warm wishes for a wonderful new year and that each of us finds the contentment that we seek!

1. Get as much exercise as possible. The endorphins that are the result of the aerobic heart rate are a wonderful antidote to those dark feelings, especially ones that are the result of PMS.

2. Food! Sometimes giving into our craving for chips and chocolate isn’t the smartest strategy for fighting the doldrums. Try cutting back on salt, fatty foods, caffeine and alcohol. If you can toss in some high complex carbs like oatmeal and grains, this can help.

3. Supplements are your friends! Try increasing Vitamin B-6, calcium, magnesium, Vitamin E (this even comes in handy drop form so you don’t have to swallow a nasty pill), and tryptophan to ease the blues.

4. Other stuff…herbal remedies are good. Try primrose oil, chamomile, and chaste tree berry. Yoga and meditation might help too.

An amazing helper when life gets us down is our friends. Pick up the phone, walk out your door, and grab a cup o joe with someone who you trust and love. The dark is particularly scary when you are sitting inside alone. Remember that it is darkest before the dawn and spring is around the corner.

Try a Google search for some inspirational support. There are many online groups to hook into. There may also be a church counselor or therapist that can help you dig out of the mud. If the crummy blues sticks around too long, go see your doctor. Either your family doctor or OB-Gyn is a great resource. They may suggest a psychologist or other professional. Sometimes we need a bit of help that comes from pharmaceuticals so don’t be afraid to press for a solution that comes from the people who specialize in biochemical imbalances.

Just remember that you are not unique. Just turn on your television and you will hear the advertisers addressing this villain called depression. Focus on the solution. It can be found.

So my message is really to take action, my wonderful girlfriends and don’t let those dark thoughts and feelings sit on your shoulders for too long. Our lives can be happier and more fulfilling so let’s get going!!

- Beverly Tobocman

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–Life overload–We gals have so much “role strain” because of the conflicting and overwhelming responsibilities in our lives. And boy oh boy, we sure have so many plates we try to spin…mommy, wife, working woman, homework helper, chauffeur, cook, chief laundress, etc. No wonder we are vulnerable to role strain with big-time stress and depression!Those of us who don’t have family to help or who can’t afford household help as well as single moms are particularly at risk.

–Powerlessness–Lots of us feel that we are helpless with no control over our own status and position in our society. As my friend Ann Doyle has so brilliantly written about in her book “Powering Up: How America’s Women Achievers Become Leaders”, we now need to question the old, rigid paths to achievement. There is still plenty of discrimination in the workplace and underemployment or unemployment often lead to a greater risk of depression. Other contributing factors can be the old questions of are we young enough, pretty enough, and thin enough? These traits are so touted in the media that almost never a day goes by where we are not reminded that we fall short.

–Abuse–researchers have chimed in with evidence that many women who have been sexually or physically abused are at a much greater risk of severe depression. Although boys are also at risk, girls who have been raped or suffered other forms of physical abuse or sexual harassment are particularly vulnerable.

–Relationships–It is surprising to me that the benefits of marriage are greater for men than for women but the fact is that many women really feel frustrated in their partnership with guys. We feel the lack of intimacy as well as marital strife deeply and this can lead to insecurity and feelings of inadequacy.

Let’s also not forget that poverty is much more common for women than men. This is especially true for singe mothers and of course, chronic depression is a side effect that often follows. Why us (me), you may ask? We women ruminate and this makes depression worse. Men tend to distract themselves which can lower depression.

We also have a different physiology than our male counterparts. We produce more stress hormones and the female sex hormone progesterone prevents the stress hormone system from turning itself off as it does in guys. We see this glaring imbalance starting as early as adolescence!

Check out my next blog for some ideas to combat depression…

- Beverly Tobocman

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So today I am pondering the condition that for better or worse is labeled “depression”. I know that this is not a ‘one size fits all’ title and particularly women are much more prone to depression then men. We gals have many factors that contribute to our own unique type of depression from reproductive hormones to the special social pressures that stress lops on top of us.

Unfortunately depression can be a very serious condition that impacts everything. This includes but is not limited to family relationships, social lives, careers, feelings of self worth, and questioning of our purpose. I identify my own feelings of depression when I am feeling sad, guilty, tired and generally crabby for more than an hour at one time.

Here are a few scary statistics that come from the National Mental Health Association:
Approximately 12 million women in the US experience clinical depression every year. About one in every eight women can expect to develop clinical depression during their lifetime.

Some of the other complaints my friends have expressed when they call themselves depressed are:

“I don’t feel interested or take pleasure anymore in the game of golf- or anything, for that matter”
“I feel really guilty and so hopeless”
“Some days I feel like it is just not worth it anymore. If it weren’t for my kids I’d off myself”
“I can’t fall asleep and if I do I just keep waking up all night long”
“I am just out of control eating and I can’t stop myself”
“I just don’t have any energy. I can’t concentrate and I am tired all of the time”

Here in Michigan I am often with women who suffer from seasonal affective disorder. This is depression in the winter months due to low levels of sunlight.

And here is some really great news–we women are twice as likely to suffer from depression as our male counterparts. Oh joy! This gender difference in rates if found in most countries around the world and persists across racial, ethnic and economic boundaries.

Why? Can we blame it on PMS? Or perhaps being pregnant is the villain? Maybe it is our struggle with infertility? How about we blame postpartum depression, Perimenopause or the real ogre, menopause (and I don’t mean the musical!)?

We do indeed have hormonal fluctuations that throw our mind and bodies into a tail spin. On top of this there are a bunch of social and cultural reasons we women experience depression.

- Beverly Tobocman

Stay tuned for 2 upcoming blogs from Bev where she will discuss specific forms of depression, and ways to cope.

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 ”Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”

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I found myself doing something that I did as I grew up, driving along the quaint streets of my hometown with my siblings along side and my Dad driving steadily in front.  I looked in the windows of the homes lining our path.  I have always wondered what was happening behind the paned windows of the homes we passed.

Are there two nicely round people sitting in front of the big screen holding hands and feeling safe and secure?  Is there a family at odds with one another fighting the battle that is so often found with teenaged children?  Is there a woman who sits alone with a dog at her feet mourning the passing of her husband at too young an age?  Just what are the stories of those who live ordinary lives within?

What I do know is that I often was envious of those unknown people behind the soft ecru drapes waving in the open window.  I thought that of course everyone else had more of what they wanted in life and poor old me was stuck in the back wedged between my older and much luckier brother and sister.  I felt like I was “less then” everyone else who surrounded me.  I thought that of course I would like more.

Today I am grateful for what is my life.  I am thankful for what I have and do not focus on what is missing.  I count my blessings that I have the resources to live on my own and be surrounded by people who I love and who love me.  I am confident that I will make the most of this day with all the mystery and challenges that are in my path.  I welcome the sunrise and sunset.

- Beverly Tobocman

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Sometimes, when people experience major life change, they can mis-perceive people and situations. How do you handle it when people who have been very close to you say unkind things to you?

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With so many variables in our economic life that seem beyond our control, Bev encourages us to practice a principle that always pays dividends.

Get a FREE copy of the first chapter of Bev’s book Now That He’s Gone- A Financial Therapist’s Guide to Life After Loss! Register on the form to your right —>

- Tips on how to handle your new “social status” as a single

- The amazing secret that has helped hundreds of women nourish themselves for the solo journey ahead

- Reconnecting with others without losing yourself

- The most essential and powerful tool for emotionally recovering from your loss

- The magic formula for success in your new life…and how to apply it

- The question YOU must answer to live happily ever after

Broadcast schedule:

Friday, October 7th at 1pm Pacific Time with Sloanie & Tracy on THE BIG ONE AM-700WLW. Click here to listen live.

Sunday, October 9th at 10am Pacific Time on KTRS: http://www.ktrs.com/.

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Beverly Tobocman, author of “Now That’s He’s Gone- A Financial Therapist’s Guide To Life After Loss” reminds us that, if we want to have positive changes in our lives, it is up to us to take the first step.

Get a FREE copy of the first chapter of Bev’s book Now That He’s Gone- A Financial Therapist’s Guide to Life After Loss! Register on the form to your right —>